|Touch me on my darker side!
||[Oct. 23rd, 2006|09:11 am]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19)|
Clinching your buttcheeks together as tightly as possible does NOT count as exercise.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You are clingy and overdramatic. On top of that, you are clingy, too.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Look up that old flame and attempt to get them drunk for some nostalgia sex. Then hope you never see them or think about them again.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Don't be fussy about everyone else's lives. Be more specific. Target one person who really needs a kick in the ass and then lay some leather into their supple backside.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
Get some exercise and stop eating junk food.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Although not normally a lonely wanker, solitude suits your mastabatory spirit for the day.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Think with your heart. Love with your mind. Trip over your untied shoelaces!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
It's time for an adventure. By "adventure," I mean looking for people to join your cause. By "cause," I mean a giant, pre-halloween orgy.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
In your quest for balance, you literally pick up opposing forces and hold them in seperate hands. Libras are watching you and laughing their asses off!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Other people's opinions matter very much to you. Seek their approval wihtout shame and suck their on their balls if you have to.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Since you are so much better than everyone, why not just leave the room instead of hanging around to tell everyone you are better than them? No one cares. Fuck off!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Time to go shopping. Just don't do it with your money. Manipulate someone close to you to buy you stuff. Use guilt if you have to.