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Here is your Samhain fix: - The Grouchy Daily Horoscope [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope

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Here is your Samhain fix: [Oct. 31st, 2006|01:43 pm]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19)

Today feels like virgin deja vu: you've strangely felt this way for the first time.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

If you feel touchy, that's only because you touch too much. Keep your damn hands to yourself!

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Play the submissive for a change. They'll be sure to kiss you on the neck when they're done.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Wear a condom and a gimp mask so that both essential areas are covered and protected.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Choose the peaceful path and then brag to everyone you know that you are the most peaceful, peacemaking motherfucker around.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Morbidly obese people don't always look before they sit, so get the fuck out of the way if that giant ass looks like it's going to avalanche on you.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

It is better to lust and lash then to have never flogged at all.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Today is your day. Rule it. Own it. Don't end up in the slammer for it. You know why they call it the slammer, right?

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

so many victims. So little time. Pick a target and shoot.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Delude yourself into thinking you are more tuned in than those around you. You'll wake up and remember who your really are tomorrow.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Have an affair with a Taurus. It will make both of you feel better.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Try something new. This is not at all against your nature, but you're starting to run out of new.