|You love me with a "H" because I make you . . .
||[Nov. 1st, 2006|10:34 am]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19)|
Read between the lines, or, in your case, between the index and ring fingers.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
If you had a soul, you could do some real soul searching. Unfortunately, you don't. So why not go shopping instead?
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
The time is right for self exploration. Just remember to use a water or silica based lube as bacteria tends to cling to the oil based ones.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
You are a bit irritable in your normal passive-aggressive manner today. That's OK. You're so passive, it would be a surprise if anyone actually noticed!
Leo (July 23-August 22)
Make a decision based on your normal ignorance. Talking out of your ass has already gotten you this far, hasn't it?
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
When everyone is talking about what they are into, pretend you were into it before it was cool.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Connecting people is your strong point. Use it to work a threesome or an orgy and don't forget to bring the camera.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Patiently, you wait for the next opportunity to arise. They have no idea what you are planning and this makes you feel superior. Oh! And your fly is down.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
With that attitude, you should have been a cop. Not a real cop. A pretend cop like the lead singer of the Village People. One who can sing and dance and break into people's houses at night stealing for crack money. That kind of cop.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
You find yourself questioning the purpose of your current relationship. The purpose is for you to do what you are told. Now stop pondering and get back to work, you little bitchmonkey!
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
You're feeling brave and frisky and ready to spark one up. Fucking grow up already, you dirty hippy!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Stop being a pushover. Stop being a whiner. Stop acting like a victim. It's a dog eat dog world. Let's go get some Chinese take out.