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I suppose as long as you people actually read this stuff . . . - The Grouchy Daily Horoscope [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope

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I suppose as long as you people actually read this stuff . . . [Nov. 2nd, 2006|08:37 am]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19)

When you need to be bold, you tend to be bludgeoningly bold. Instead of being bold, focus on being obtuse.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

As always, what concerns you most is you. "Me, me, me, me." Check on those close to you to make sure they aren't either plotting your death or their own in order to escape you.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

If life were a game of football, you'd be picking on the kicker right now and hoping to bang a cheerleader after the game.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Try to express that inner turmoil in a way that suits you. Make sure it is passive, cryptic, and evokes your sense of aloof.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Today is not the day you conquer the world. Although that day might be drawing nigh, it is not this one. Concentrate on charming the world and laughing to yourself when they buy into what you're selling.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

When you are paying attention, people tend to think you are very bright. When you are not, they think you are a moron. However, you were paying attention today AND they still thought your were a moron. Go figure!

Libra (September 23-October 22)

Sexuality tends to destroy your intellectual side, but not today as you find that having sex with a librarian can actually make you feel smarter!

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Sometimes you need to acknowledge your fear before you start plotting how to destroy it. Less fear and more destruction will benefit no just you, but your sense of evil plotting as well.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Take a whiff. What's that smell? Testosterone. Pure man, baby! Pure man. Can you dig it?

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

You're getting close to that point where you give up on those around you, dump them in the garbage, and start all over. By this point in your life it should be a welcome change. They're all a bunch of losers anyway.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

Go ahead. Take a break. For the love of God! Go have some me time and leave the rest of us alone.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Is that fire in your belly? Ow! Sounds painful! Start thinking with your head and not your malfunctions and the rest will fall in place.