|I think I'd like to fuck your brains out, but it doesn't look like you have any. (name the movie)
||[Nov. 3rd, 2006|12:58 pm]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19)|
Give them one of those back massages where you walk on them, but make sure you wear a pair of stiletto heels while you are doing it.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
You're getting fat. I would tell you to go get some exercise, but it would be pointless.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Today is one of those days where you can take pleasure in the pleasurable things and marvel at the length of your money shot.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
If you want to win the race, you can either show up at the starting line and beat everyone fair and square, or you can kneecap all of your opponents before the start. Go get your crowbar.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
The revolution starts today. Set your authority on fire and hope that fire spreads.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
It's time to decide if your new committments are really worth the payoff. Wake up and smell the alienation.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Your happiness comes at a cost. Good thing someone else is picking up the tab!
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Imposing your limits on someone else expectations is a good idea as long as you aren't ticklish.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Improve yourself by stalking someone of higher standards than your own. Cannibalize them if neccessary.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Do not over react or be surprised you were passed over. You were destined to be mediocre and are living up to expectations quite well. I'm almost proud of you.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
Who ever thought you'd enjoy a buttplug? It's amazing where your search for new experiences can lead you!
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
The more you try to let go, the more you are tempted to strangle them. Let go of their balls and place your hands firmly around their throat.