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The Grouchy Daily Horoscope

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I'm back! And this time with a song!!! [Nov. 16th, 2006|09:19 am]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19)

Today you need to concentrate on not being completely lame. Contemplate how you are going to accomplish this while weaving or knitting.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Sometimes being totally egotistical and stubborn works for you. Today, it is further confirmation that you are hopeless in the areas of relationships that go any deeper than than describing what you would like to eat for lunch.

Gemini (May 21-June 21)

Attempting to use charm to your advantage with not get you served your hamburger any faster. Pouting won't get you anywhere either. Sometimes going completely berserk is the only way.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

Bonding with needy morons is your specialty except when you call them a needy moron to their face.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

Don't let people pressure you. You are the one who should be applying pressure. Don't let your need to be loved overwhelm your desire to be in charge. They'll love you plenty if you force them.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

Procrastination is too extreme a phrase for you. Doesn't give a flying fuck is more like it. Sure, you are aware of what is going on. You just wish you weren't.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

It would be so easy to take the world by storm if it wasn't for all of those damn roadblocks. Who put them there anyway? Oh! That's right. You put them there. I suppose you could remove them, but you might chip a nail.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Go gambling. Hit the slots. Take some chances. Lose a shitload of money!

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Try to communicate with that person you feel you've lost touch with, but do it in your own unique, insane, scary way.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Sometimes you feel like your own personality is being overshadowed by your peers. Well, I've got news for you, buddy: you don't have one.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

It's time to stop thinking about masturbation and start thinking about group sex. If you're feeling a bit shy, you can always masturbate for the group.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

Your partnership is so completely fake. Can you ignore the obvious much longer? Of course you can! This is your specialty.

[User Picture]From: jack_beauregard
2006-12-22 10:18 pm (UTC)

These are fucking great!

I agree with the virgo analysis.
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