|Thank fuck the holidays are over!
||[Jan. 2nd, 2007|08:50 am]
The Grouchy Daily Horoscope
Aries (March 21-April 19)|
Try to learn from the morons you are helping. Don't just help them by calling them morons either!
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Instead of imposing your emotions on those unfortunate enough to have to put up with you, impose your sense of inferiority on them instead.
Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Since everyone around you seems to be acting like an oversensitive pansy at the moment, go ahead and step on their toes then watch them "dance!"
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Take a deep breath and say "I'm a Cancer! Yay for me!" Then punch yourself in the nose.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
What is that smell? Probably the overbearing scent of the bullshit coming out of your mouth!
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
Sometimes you care so much about those around you that it makes you sleepy. Go take a nap and then focus on why you feel you so accomplished after doing absolutely nothing.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
This balancing act is tough sometimes. Don't be afraid to build a wider fence to walk on. Whatever you do, do not take sides or everyone's expectations of you will be shattered.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
You have so many tools at your disposal. You have a garbage disposal, dog biscuits, and dinner plans. And you have the comfort that you don't cut yourself shaving as often as you used to. Of course, you don't shave as often as you used to either.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Learn to be passive. It will not make you happy, but it will be a relief for those around you who can barely tolerate you.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
Sometimes feeling heartbroken is just what you need in order to realize that everything you believe in was a worthless pile of shit to begin with.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
It not the caffeine that is making you so moody. It's the lack of sex. I think a hate fuck is in order.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
If you want someone who understands and accepts your emotional state, get another cat. Human beings typically make poor pets.